SO. Yesterday I got caught in
this TOtally yuck emotional state. It felt awful in my
body. I felt like a prisoner. My stomach hurt. My chest tightened.
I even cried – IN FRONT OF PEOPLE! Completely trapped and angry!
Oh...so....angry! BLEcH! Even worse, I felt helpless.
Out.of.control. I freaking HATE that. Seriously. I hate it.
Ever been there? If so, you know it's
ALWAYS about someone else. What THEY did or said....or what THEY
didn't say or didn't do.
However, since I'm somewhat
self-actualized (chuckle) and enlightened (belly laugh)...
I know that my thoughts and feelings were TOTALLY irrational. But
that made me even MORE angry because I couldn't find my way out of my
self-made cognitive torture chamber.
My friend, Dr. Stan said.....”the
gates of hell are locked from the inside, honey”. Gee...thanks,
Stan. Doesn't PhD stand for Piled Higher and Deeper???
Let me reiterate.... I knew it
was irrational and I knew only I could get myself out and I
knew the way I was feeling wasn't hurting anyone but me. BUT
the question was HOW? How
could I find freedom? Oh, that sweet, light feeling of
FREEDOM! What was I not seeing?!?!? ARGH!!!!
I didn't sleep at all. I got up in the
middle of the night, drank a beer and typed a rant that thankfully I
deleted and am actually typing this
right over it! (It still has the same document name though.
Def need to change that.)
THEN.....I went to the
dentist! (not in the middle of the night. The next day. At a
regular appointment time......I digress.)
I sat in the chair wearing those goofy
sunglasses.....staring into the bright light over my head....mouth
wiiiiide open, and....I HAD A VISION!!!
I envisioned a person I know (who
shall remain nameless) that in my crazy head-land, represents all
the judgment in the world that anyone could ever have.
THEN.....I smiled at her. I accepted
her WITH her judgment. She could keep all her judgy-judgyness and I
could STILL accept and love her! The way out wasn't through anything
that I KNEW in my head. The way out was in my HEART!
Unconditional LOVE is the key to
FREEDOM! DUH-wareness
moment! I
mean, isn't Love ALWAYS the only answer? (don't even
question it)
I was feeling all this nasty blame,
anger, resentment, grossness and then POOF! It was gone. It
was gone because simultaneously I felt unconditional Love for not
just HER, but.....(drum roll, please) ME! YAY, ME! Nobody
controls Me! Or, as my boyfriend would say, “Nobody
controls Little T!”
The good news for you is that
nobody controls YOU either! YAY, US! What's good for the goose is
good for the gander. (I'm the goose in this scenario....and, maybe a
few more)
Now...I'm not saying I'll never emote
in an unflattering way again. Please....let's be real. BUT
now I know I will be able to get out of hell a helluvalot faster :)
YippEE! HooRAY! 3 ChEERs for LOVE!!!
WOMp! Womp! NOw. Let's get back to DANCING!
No comments:
Post a Comment